In A Land Of Gods And Monsters
by theconsultingtardisbananaangel
Summary: Sam is gone, the Croats run rampant, and Cas falls into his own world, clinging to Dean and pushing him away all at once. His innocence is lost.
1. Innocence Lost

Cas woke up with a massive headache. Outside the cabin, snow fell over the pine trees, adding to the foot or so that was already on the ground. It was so bright that it hurt to look at, and his whole body ached. The cabin was cold, thanks to the power outage the Croats were so kind as to provide.

The world was violently crashing around his shoulders and everything he ever knew was gone. Dean had become a god and he had his followers, fighting monsters together, clashing in battle after bloody battle.

A word was going through his mind for this feeling, but he couldn't quite remember it...

Withdrawal.

He'd fallen into the throes of addiction slowly and painfully. Drugs, alcohol, sex, drugs, and most of all, drugs.

The ironies of this reality hit him. He used to be such a...virgin. Clean.

And he felt, deep down, that somewhere he was still an angel. An angel in the garden of evil, in the land of gods and monsters.

Temptation and despair. He'd had sex, he'd tried some killer drugs, anything he needed. The medicine to soothe the crushing weight that was everywhere.

He could hear Dean and the girl du jour getting up and preparing some breakfast.

He didn't join in. He took a handful of a dead man's prescription and downed a bottle of liquor, mourning his lost innocence.


	2. God And Me, We Don't Get Along

He and Dean ran from place to place, sometimes with others, but always together, chasing the Colt and being chased by Croats.

It was exhilarating, but that might have been the drugs he was becoming so fond of. They removed the edge, at least for a little while.

They had sex for the first time in the woods. It was summer, there were no Croats around, and Cas was as high as, in his own words, 'fuckin' balls, man' and Dean was feeling stressed and neither man was completely there.

Dean cried out God's name, and Cas told him that he and God didn't get along.

Cas pushed Dean away after the former hunter had pulled out and tried to wrap his arms around the human angel.

It felt like one fucked-up holiday, as Cas came down from his high and Dean tersely pretended that that had never happened. It felt good but he knew it signified something terrible.

Cas felt his final shred of innocence flicker and die as they got dressed and went on to find some food.

* * *

**By the way, these ficlets were inspired by song lyrics. It is Lana Del Rey's song Gods and Monsters and I am absolutely in love with it even though I'm not a huge Lana fan. Honestly, it is absolutely perfect for Future Cas, full of lament and self-destruction and resignation, sex and vices. Definitely worth a listen.**


	3. An Angel Looking To Get Fucked Hard

After that Cas began to add sex to the list of wrong that he'd been committing. He found himself in a state of perpetual chase. Dean chased the Colt and Cas chased drugs and sex. He liked women okay, but he loved when Dean had a bit of liquor in him and let go.

That was the best sex, when Cas laid back and let Dean desecrate him.

He was losing himself in this world and he was scared out of his mind.


	4. God's Dead

"Oy, Jim Morrison, you gonna get up?" Dean pounded the door frame, waiting for Cas to stir. The weathered angel was bundled up under a pile of somebody else's quilts, in someone else's bed, in someone else's house.

"Dean?" Cas rasped. He struggled to remember where he was. He was tense and holy fuck, Dean wasn't wearing a shirt.

"Get out of bed, Cas, we got places to be."

"I'll get out of bed if you get in first."

Dean licked his lower lip nervously, and Cas watched him struggle with his response. It had been about two weeks since Cas had had any of his other fixes, and he was fucking desperate.

"Fuck me, Dean," he growled, and Dean finally lost his composure, all but tackling Cas to the bed.

"Cas..." Dean whined. He saw that Cas was completely naked beneath the covers and gasped, sending a bolt of electricity directly south. He knew that he had won.

The sex was animalistic, raw, instinctual and rough. Dean cast his pants aside and pushed the angel's legs apart forcefully. There was a glint of something in Dean's eyes, a flash of predator, and it scared Cas and excited him to no end.

"Give it to me," Cas begged at Dean's hesitation. Dean began to prepare him and Cas fucked himself on Dean's fingers and then it was his dick and the Croats were forgotten, the angels and demons forgotten, the endless losses and despair, all forgotten.

"Cas," Dean whimpered. He bit the angel's neck, hard.

"Fuck," Cas cries as he comes, hard all over them and as he tightened around Dean, the Fearless Leader followed shortly afterwards.

"Castiel!" Dean shouted, and Cas went rigid at the sound of his old name.

"I'm not Castiel anymore," he said, mostly to himself, after he had his breath back. "God gave me that name."

"God's dead," Dean scoffed, one arm still thrown across the angel's chest. Cas let him for once.

"Baby, that's alright with me," he muttered darkly.

The sun rose and they cleaned up and left behind the quilts and bed and carried away the guilt that washed over both of them.


	5. You've Got That Medicine I Need

Cas tried dope for the first time when he found a stash on a dead teenage girl. It let him forget everything for a bit and he made a pass at Dean, but they were traveling with a group of other survivors and Dean pushed him away, embarrassed by his intoxicated ward.

They were the only two in their group to survive the next day, and Cas laughed at how futile Dean's embarrasment was.

_No one left to remember now!_

He was truly falling off the deep end and it was fun.


End file.
